Ghost Among Us…

Generally, people think of disabilities as being characterized by physical attributes, like someone in a wheelchair or with Downs. However, there are many that live with invisible disabilities, ghosts among the fully-abled. One in five have mental illness, few diagnosed and many undiagnosed – suffering in silence, not understanding the war within their minds. Autistic suffer much the same, ghosts walking within society sharing spaces with the unwilling compromise of the neurotypical. 

I have bipolar and Aspergers. Yes, I still label myself as Aspie, but that is because it is something that defines me. More importantly, I am defined by my identity in Christ - a Christian with bipolar and an Aspie. My Creator weaved my DNA with what the world calls a disorder. Nevertheless, my DNA was given to me for His glory as Christ explains to his disciples in John 9:1-3. Unfortunately, our world is often blinded from His glory. I am a ghost within society – even the church. Stigma is the worst in the church, yet the church should be a place of refuge for the marginalized. Jesus always looks with compassion to those outcasts, like the woman with the bleeding condition. He called her His daughter. (Matthew 9:20-22; Mark 5:25-34; and Luke 8:43-48)

Each condition has its own effect on my life and sometimes they exacerbate each other. I have two minds, sometimes working together and other times pulling each other apart, feeding exhaustion until my brain swells, pushing on the inside of my skull, birthing a headache that tightens my scalp, numbing the synapses, crushing the signaling to the nerves in my head. I can be in a group, and I have the superpower of an invisible cloak even trying to engage in conversation. People seemingly glaze right through me. Isolation within the crowd. Isolation within the church community. 

There is a burdensome nature of my conditions that has profoundly impacted my ability to obtain employment, impeded me living independently, affected my physical health and limited the development of vibrant relationships. Navigating the neurotypical world without a map or compass is an unsolvable labyrinth encroaching on me, blinding my path out, an endless, suffocating trap. Living in a land in which I don’t speak, read, or even understand the language that everyone else knows. Traveling to an address yet being on another planet, roaming as a ghost, not being able to communicate or feel the world around me. 

The invisible disabled are all around us. The neurotypicals need to reach out, because we are too fearful. They need to cross the line to assist us in retreating from this ghostly existence. At times, I still feel like a ghost. Sometimes, it is easier to be a ghost. More importantly, Christ sent the Holy Spirit to dwell in us, and to guide us. Unfortunately, there are times I forget about this awesome helper – Holy Spirit, yet I am always remembered by Him. The community of believers is made up of the weak and strong. (1 Corn. 12:12-20) We are commanded to burden each other, to love each other, to care for each other. The church community should not have ghosts within. Is it fear that turns the Church away from us? Don’t be afraid, for perfect love casts out fear.

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